"I Learned It By Watching You!"

...and parents who have wine cellars...have kids who drink too much wine. Mine do, and I sure did this weekend. The annual parents' Valentine's Day soirée in Miami didn't end as badly as some of my "Partying with the Parents" weekends (in fact, I was passed out before midnight), but I'm still a little slow today. In that spirit, here's an unimaginative selection of booze-soaked MP3s...

CSS - "Alcohol"
Amy Winehouse - "Rehab"

Blame a genuine lack of inspiration for the grab-bag approach today; two tropical vacations in two weeks (boo hoo) have turned my brain to shit... and my skin to a fine, supple bronze. Suffice it to say there is no segue witty enough to do justice to...

The Female or Shemale Quiz!
(Laugh now gentlemen, but upon seeing your final score your levity will curdle to a feverish questioning of your sexual proclivities. Abandon hope, all ye who are not secure in their sexuality.)

Speaking of never having sex with a woman, the second annual New York Comic Con kicks off in less than two weeks. I will be in attendance, along with Brian the Designer. (Afterwards we shall undoubtedly drink heavily at the bowling alley in the Port Authority bus depot, where we will likely contract Hepatitis C.) I consider myself immune to charges of pimply faced geekhood by virtue of having some actual professional interest in the procedings. At least, that's what I'm telling Kim The Awesome Girlfriend and anyone else with a vagina... as if "comic book critic" represents some quantum leap in fuckability. But...there may be hope for my professional/practical credentials as a functioning sexual being after all: Later this week AOL Music is launching its "69 Sexiest Songs of All Time" feature, and guess who's a major contributor! Someday I hope to be a bigger sexpert than Eugene Mirman.